* I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
* My wild oats have turned into prunes and All-bran.
* I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
* Funny, I don’t remember being absentminded.
* All reports are in – life actually is unfair.
* If all is not lost, where is it?
* It is easier to get older than to get wiser.
* It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
* If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
* When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?