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1. You burn the midnight oil at 9 pm

2. Your favorite part of the newspaper is 25 years ago today…

3. You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.

4. You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

5. The best part of the day is over when the alarm goes off.

6. Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt – doesn’t work

7. The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals

8. Your knees buckle, but your belt won’t.

9. You sink your teeth in a steak and they stay there.

10. Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty girl go by.

11. You walk with your head held high trying to get used to your bifocals.

12. Your children begin to look middle aged.

13. You’re 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 96 around the golf course.

14. You feel like the night before – and you haven’t been anywhere.

15. You finally reach the top of the ladder, only to find it leaning against the wrong wall.

16. You decide to procrastinate, but then you never get around to it.

17. You look forward to a dull evening.Pondering the Word of God

18. You just can’t stand people being intolerant.

19. A fortune teller offers to read your face.

20. Your back goes out more than you do.