4 min read

Final

Growing up, I made friends super easily. I brought people together and made friends super easily compared to other people. I like to think of myself as a people person, especially towards those that I feel like are compatible to me. However, I used to be someone that was quick to judge. If I would not like something about a person, I ignored them and distanced myself from them without giving them a second chance. I used to not really care about other people’s feelings if it was an inconvenience to me. I know, I sounded selfish, but I was to some extent. That all changed though, until I met someone. That someone is my girlfriend. I know it sounds cheesy to talk about my girlfriend, but she really changed my life.

When I met my girlfriend, I did not think too much about it. I just thought that she would just be an acquaintance from school. The more I got to know her, I knew she would be more than that. She is a very, kind person who is shy at first, but warms up to you when she learns to trust you. I never met anyone as kind and forgiving as her. She always wants to help others, even if it doesn’t benefit her to the slightest. My girlfriend also teaches me how certain things I say or certain actions can hurt people, and I never realized.

Through my girlfriend, I learned how to be more forgiving and kind towards people, just like Jesus. Jesus helped bring food and water to his people, the people he cared about, even though there was not much to give. Of course, I have not done anything as extreme as that. Through my girlfriend, I became more giving towards people and lend my hand out to help more often. I learned how to be more warm towards others and to not judge someone by their appearance or anything else. Overall, I learned to be more understanding and loving, just like our savior. Of course, I can never be like Jesus who just keeps giving to the ones he loves, but I can do it just a bit now and I’m glad how far I came on being a more kind and mindful person.

Second draft

Growing up, I made friends super easily. I brought people together and made friends super easily compared to other people. I was not very caring to others. I only liked those that was not inconvenient and not bother me. I would not care about anyone if I did not like them at a first glance. Then, I met my girlfriend.

When I met my girlfriend, I did not think too much about it. I just thought that she would just be an acquaintance from school. The more I got to know her, I knew she would be more than that. She is a very, kind person who is shy at first, but warms up to you when she learns to trust you. I never met anyone as kind and forgiving as her. She always wants to help others, even if it doesn’t benefit her to the slightest. My girlfriend changed me whole life and the way I put things into perspective.

Through my girlfriend, I learned how to be more forgiving and kind towards people, just like Jesus. Jesus helped bring food and water to his people, the people he cared about, even though there was not much to give. Of course, I have not done anything as extreme as that.I learned how to be more warm towards others and to not judge someone by their appearance or anything else. Of course, I can never be like Jesus who just keeps giving to the ones he loves. It’s okay, because I know that He sees I am becoming a better person.

Friend review

Hanna Kim

Everything is good. Use more descriptions for your examples. Maybe give an example on how Jesus is kind. Try describing more about your girlfriend and how she helped you become a better person? Try to have a better conclusion.

First draft

Growing up, I made friends super easily. I brought people together and made friends super easily compared to other people. I was very mean though. I did not like you, then I would not care about you at all. When I met my girlfriend, I became nicer as a person.

When I met my girlfriend, I did not think too much about it. I just thought that she would just be an acquaintance from school. The more I got to know her, I knew she would be more than that. She is a very, kind person. I never met anyone as kind and forgiving as her. My girlfriend also taught me to be a better person in general.

Through my girlfriend, I learned how to be more forgiving and kind towards people, just like Jesus. Through my girlfriend, I became more giving towards people and lend my hand out to help more often. I learned how to be more warm towards others and to not judge someone by their appearance or anything else. Of course, I can never be like Jesus who just keeps giving to the ones he loves. One step at a time towards me being a better person!