7 min read

Theme: How to become like Jesus?

Topic :   Where do you go to relax? Beaches or Mountains.

Writing style: Compare and contrast style.

Final draft.

When my life is stressful or exhausted, I need the place to rest and gain my energy. The two kinds of places that come up on my mind, are a wonderful beach and a numerous mountain. That is a difficult time for me, when I have to make a decision. Both of them are the good places for rejuvenating and resting. This time, I have to compare and contrast between a beach and a mountain.

First, I would like to compare the good things between a sea and a mountain. Usually, when I like to see the beautiful image of the sunrise or sunset. Both of them can provide the beautiful moment in the same level. When the light of the sun that pass through the cloud. It captivates me to stop to watch until the sky becomes darkness. The wind from the beach can make me feel relax. Similarly, it likes the sound of bugs in the mountain that makes me feel peaceful. At the night time, the sound of the wave and the smell of the sea can reach out my stressful. Compare to the top of the mountain, you can see the stars near you. It is brighter and nearer than usual. It seems like I can grab them that makes me feel happy.

Second, I would like to contrast some aspects from both of them. In the face place, I think it is easy to go to the beach when I compare to a mountain. A mountain is very difficult to reach to the summit. Next, the weather at the beach is hot and windy. The sun light can burn my skin. On the other hand, in the mountain weather is cold and humid. A lot of trees can make me freshy. Moreover, the number of people are different. I will see the many people lay down on the beach. I can find restaurants, convenient stores or hotels around this area but if I go to the mountains, it is rarely to meet people, I have to carry a sleeping bag and my own tent. Furthermore, I need to bring the food and cook it by myself. It is good for people who love adventure and want to spend time with themselves.

Like a Jesus, he always cruises the small boat to the sea. Jesus like secluding himself. Living among the nature and keep silence can boost his spiritual energy. Refer to Jesus, I think go to the mountain will be the good choice for me. I can meditate, relax and spend time with myself. I am really positive that my soul will become stronger. Now, I am looking forward to next my vacation. Thanks God.

 

Friend review.

  1. You have to use more transition words.
  2. You should distinct the same characteristics and the different aspects.
  3. You use the same word many times.
  4. Checking the grammar.

 

 

 

Second draft.

      When I feel stressful or exhausted, the two kind of places that come up on my mind are beautiful beach and wonderful mountain. It is very difficult for me every time, when I have to make a decision. They are the good places for rejuvenating and resting after working hard. This time, I have to compare the pros and cons for both of them.

      First, I would like to compare the good things between a beach and a mountain. When I want to see the beautiful image of the sun set at the beach or the sun rise at the top of mountain. Both of them can provide the beautiful moment in the same level. The light of the sun that pass through the cloud, captivates me to stop to watch until the sky become darkness. The wind from the beach can make me feel relax. It likes the sound of bugs in the mountain that makes me feel peaceful. At the night time, the sound of the wave and the smell of the sea can reach out my stressful. It likes the top of the mountain, you can see the stars near you. It is brighter and nearer than usual. It seems like I can grab them that makes me feel happy.

      Second, I would like to contrast some aspects from both of them. I think it is easy to go to the beach but it is very difficult to reach to the summit of the mountain. The weather at the beach is hot and windy. The sun light can burn my skin. On the other hand, in the mountain weather is cold and humid. A lot of trees can make me freshy. Moreover, the number of people is one thing that is different. I will see the many people lay down on the beach. I can find restaurants, convenient stores or hotels around this area but if I go to the mountains, it is rarely to meet people, I have to carry a sleeping bag and my own ten. I need to bring the food and cook it by myself. It is good for people who love adventure and want to spend time with themselves.

Like a Jesus, he always cruise the small boat to the sea. It is not because of the beautiful scenery or the sunny but Jesus like secluding himself. Living among the nature and keep silence can boost his spiritual energy. Refer to Jesus, I think go to the mountain will be the good choice when I need to relax and boost my energy. Now, I look forward to next my vacation.

 

 

First draft

When I feel stressful, tired or lost of energy, two different places that come up on my mind are a beautiful beach or a wonderful mountain.

       It is very difficult every time, when I have to make a decision. They are the best place for rejuvenating and resting after working hard. This time, I have to make a decision by comparing the pros and cons for each of them.

        First of all, let compare the good things between a beach and a mountain. If I want to see the beautiful scenery of the nature, I can imagine the sun sets picture on the horizon line at the beach or the sun rises panoramic scene at the top of mountain view. They can provide the beautiful moment in the same level. The light of the sun that pass through the cloud, captivate me to stop to watch until the sky become darkness. The wind at the beach can make me feel relax. It likes the sound of bugs at the trees in the mountain that makes me feel peaceful. At the night, the sound of the wave and the smell of the sea can reach out my stress. At the top of the mountain, you can see the stars near you. It is brighter than usual and nearer like I can grab them. It makes me feel happy.

     Second, I would like to contrast some aspects from both of them. It is easy to go to the beaches but it is very difficult to reach to the apex of the mountains. The weather at the beaches is hot and windy. The sun light can burn my skin. On the other hand, in the mountains weather is cold and humid. A lot of trees can make me freshy. The number of people is one thing that is different. I will see the many people lay down on the beaches. You can find restaurants, convenient stores or hotels around this area but if I go to the mountains, it is rarely to meet people, I have to carry a sleeping bag and my own ten. I need to bring the food and cook it by myself. It is good for people who love adventure and want to spend time with themselves.

      Finally, I have to make a decision. Like a Jesus, he always cruise the small boat to the sea. It is not because of the beautiful scenery or the sunny but Jesus like secluding himself. Living among the nature and keep silence can boost his spiritual energy. Refer to Jesus, I think go to the mountains will be the good choice when I need to relax and boost my energy. Now, I look forward to next my vacation.