7 min read

3rd Essay – Persuasive Essay

Final:

“Who is smart in your mind?”

I strongly believe a lot of people are smart but could be in the same way or in different ways.
Because humans are smart, or even smarter than animals. God give us a brain, that is why we can survive and even survive comfortably with technologies. Then new generations are smart using things that God and ancestors created. How are people living on their lives in a smart way?

In my mind, the first one who is really smart is my father. Since I was born, I have been seeing my dad’s life and I could say he was very smart to choose my mother because he does not need to do anything in the house but just enjoy life and technologies. Of course housework is for a housewife basically, but I think it does not need to be that nowadays. Though my mom has been willing to do everything not only housework but others such as gardening, picking up kids, bringing kids to grandmom’s house, etc.
My dad’s life is a sort of routine. He wakes up, listens to the music, takes a shower, has breakfast which is prepared by his wife and goes to work. After work, he always goes to meet friends at a small community in town. He sometimes comes back home so late. Mostly he gets back home and then watches television, reads newspaper, washes his car in order to kill time while he is waiting for mom’s cooking. After dinner, he gets back to watch TV and play on the phone until he goes to bed. In contrast, my mom has a lot of responsibilities before she goes to bed. Therefore, she has to stay up late and wake up early. My father may know before they were married, so he picked my mother.

Besides that, my dad was very smart in school he was a good-grade student and got a second honor from his college. In his work, he works hard and got a promotion very quick. He likes English and always learning English by listening and singing English songs. He even tries to teach me how to sing those songs. My mom told me he wrote love letters in English for her in order to practice English writing skill while he was in a college.

I want to be smart like Jesus. I want to be intelligent like my father in this way. Now it’s the time as I have a chance to practice writing in English a lot in class. Next step I think I may write a love letter to someone in the future.

Friends review:

  1. Introduction part does not really introduce to body parts.
  2. Author does not mention much about Jesus.
  3. Grammatical is just ok.
  4. It should be more specific.

By Pakpimkarn Booncharn

Rewrite:

I strongly believe a lot of people are smart but could be in the same way or in different ways.
Because humans are smart, or even smarter than animals. God give us a brain, that is why we can survive and even survive comfortably with technologies. Then new generations are smart using things that God and ancestors created. How are people living on their lives in a smart way?

In my mind, the first one who is really smart is my father. Since I was born, I have been seeing my dad’s life and I could say he was very smart to choose my mother because he does not need to do anything in the house but just enjoy life and technologies. Of course housework is for a housewife basically, but I think it does not need to be that nowadays. Though my mom has been willing to do everything not only housework but others such as gardening, picking up kids, bringing kids to grandmom’s house, etc.
My dad’s life is a sort of routine. He wakes up, listens to the music, takes a shower, has breakfast which is prepared by his wife and goes to work. After work, he always goes to meet friends at a small community in town. He sometimes comes back home so late. Mostly he gets back home and then watches television, reads newspaper, washes his car in order to kill time while he is waiting for mom’s cooking. After dinner, he gets back to watch TV and play on the phone until he goes to bed. In contrast, my mom has a lot of responsibilities before she goes to bed. Therefore, she has to stay up late and wake up early. My father may know before they were married, so he picked my mother.

Besides that, my dad was very smart in school he was a good-grade student and got a second honor from his college. In his work, he works hard and got a promotion very quick. He likes English and always learning English by listening and singing English songs. He even tries to teach me how to sing those songs. My mom told me he wrote love letters in English for her in order to practice English writing skill while he was in a college.

I want to be smart like Jesus. I want to be intelligent like my father in this way. Now it’s the time as I have a chance to practice writing in English a lot in class. Next step I think I may write a love letter to someone.

First Draft:

Who is smart in your mind?
I think a lot of people are smart but could be in a same way or in a different way.
Because humans are smart, or even smarter than animals. God give us a brain, that is why we can survive and even survive comfortably with technologies. Then new generations are smart using things ancestors created. How are people living on their lives in a smart way?
In my mind, the first one who is really smart is my daddy. Since I was born, I have been seeing my dad’s life and I could say he was very smart to choose my mom because he does not need to do anything in the house but just enjoy life and technologies. Of course housework is for a housewife basically, but I think it does not need to be that nowadays. Though my mom is willing to do everything not only housework but others such as gardening, picking up kids, bringing kids to grandmom’s house, etc.
My dad’s life is a sort of routine. He wakes up, listens to the music, takes a shower, has breakfast which is prepared by his wife and goes to work. After work, he always goes to meet friends at a small community in town. He sometimes comes back home so late. Mostly he gets back home and then watches television, reads newspaper, washes his car in order to kill time while he is waiting for mon’s cooking. After dinner, he gets back to watch TV and play on the phone until he goes to bed. In contrast, my mom has a lot of responsibilities before she goes to bed. Therefore, she has to stay up late and wake up early. My father may know before they were married, so he picked my mother.
Besides that, my dad was very smart in school he was a good-grade student and got a second honor from his college. In his work, he got a promotion very quick. He likes English and always learning English by listening and singing English songs. My mom told me he wrote love letters in English for her in order to practice English writing skill while he was in a college.
I want to be smart like my father in this way. Now I have a chance to practice writing in English. Next step I think I may write a love letter to someone in the future.