7 min read

Final draft.

Theme : How to be like Jesus.

Topic: What will happen in next 700 years?

Style: Narrative.

Every sunday morning, my parents and I always spend our time together. We like watching an updated NEWS and discussing about the interested topic. But today is different. There is the guy who sits next to my lovely reporter. He claims that he comes from the next 700 years in the future. It is very ridiculous. It makes my parents and I laugh and we look at each other. We think we are watching the comedy show. We keep watching the show then that guy from the future starts taking something from his pocket that is a small stuff. The shape is like a walnut then he push it, after that many things emerge and spread out over the table. There are his clothes, food and medicine. He tells the interviewer that a small stuff is a suitcase. He can store everything in side. When we see that guy show off, my opinion slightly changes. Maybe, he is the real one.

First, the host ask this guy to introduces himself. He tells everyone his name is Mark. The purpose of his journey is mentioning people to aware the disaster. The interviewer starts asking the question “ What happen in next 700 years?”. The guy answers the question with a serious manner. He tells the Earth in next 700 years is very different from now. The human population is less 60% than present because a low birth rate and a short average age. Even though, the medical system is very effective but virus and bacteria mutate so quickly and get stronger. The environment and geometry also differ from now. The sea cover more than 85% of the Earth. The weather is very terrible. It is very hot at day time. On the other hand, the night time is very freezing. The land is limited for resident area. Going out from the Earth to galaxy space is the best solution for rich families. Even though, people in the future are very smart and our brain are so functionable. To create the time machine is the proof of our technology but technology is not help us from a disaster. The things that created by human cannot compare to the nature that created by God.

After the T.V. program finish, I think his story is reasonable. Even though, I cannot survive in next 700 years but how about my descendants. My parents and I think in the same way. We should concern about the nature and environment. It is not important that guy is real or fake. We think he is the savior for humankind like a Jesus that came to save us 2000 year ago.

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Friend review.

1. Please check your grammar errors.

2. Please use a simple sentence.

3. Please use more synonym.

4. Please use more transition words.

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Second draft.

Theme : How to be like Jesus.

Topic: What will happen in next 700 years?

Style: Narrative.

Every sunday morning, my parents and I always spend our time together. We like watching an updated NEWS and discussing about the interested topic. Today, it looks like an ordinary day except the guy that shows on the T.V. program. He claims that he comes from the next 700 years in the future. It is very ridiculous. My parents and I smile and look at each other. We think we are watching the comedy show. The guy from the future start taking something from his pocket that is a small stuff. The shape is like a walnut then he push it, after that many things emerge and spread out over the table. He tells the interviewer that a small stuff is a suitcase. He can store everything in side. When we see that guy show off, my opinion slightly changes. Maybe, he is the real one.

First, the host ask this guy to introduces himself. He tells everyone his name is Mark. The purpose of his journey is mentioning people to aware the disaster. The interviewer starts asking the question like “ What happen in next 700 years?”. The guy answers the question with a serious manner. He tells the World in next 700 years is very different from now. The human population is less 60% than present because a low birth rate and a short average age. Even though, the medical system is very effective but virus and bacteria mutate so quickly. The sea cover more than 85% of the Earth. The weather is so terrible. At the day time is very hot and the night time is very freezing. The land is limited for resident area.Traveling to out space and settle the permanent resident is the best solution for rich families. Even though, people in the future are very smart and our brain are so functionable. To create the time machine is the proof of our technology but technology is not help us from environment problem. The things that created by human cannot compare to the nature that created by God.

After we heard the story, I think it is reasonable. Even though, I cannot survive in next 700 years but our descendant can. My parents and I think in the same way. We do not care that guy is real or fake. We think he is the savior for humankind like a Jesus that came to save us last 2000 year ago.

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First draft.

Theme : How to be like Jesus.

Topic: What will happen in next 700 years?

Style: Narrative.

On Sunday morning, my parents and I watch a television. We always spend our time together watch an updated NEWS and discuss the interested topic. Today, it looks like an ordinary day except the guy that shows on the television. He claims that he came from the next 700 years in the future. It is very ridiculous to listen to his words. My parents and I smile and look at each other. We think we are watching the comedy show. The guy from the future start taking something from his pocket that is a small stuff. The shape is like a walnut then he push it after that many things emerge and spread out over the table. He tells the interviewer that a small stuff is a suitcase. He can store everything in side. When we see that guy show off, my opinion slightly changes. Let think it over, maybe he is the real one.

First, the guy introduces himself. His name is Marc and he comes from the future. The purpose of his journey is warning people to aware the disaster. The interviewer starts asking the question like “ What is the next 700 years look like?”. The guy answers the question with a serious manner. He tells the World in next 700 years is very different from now. The population is less 60% than present because a low birth rate and short average age. Even though, the medical system is very effective but virus and bacteria mutate so quickly. The sea cover more than 85% of the Earth. The weather is so bad. At the day time is very hot and the night time is very freezing. The land is limited for people to build the house. Traveling to out space and settle the permanent resident is the best solution for rich families. People in the future are very smart. Our brain are so functionable. To create the time machine is the proof of our technology but technology is not help us from environment problem. The things that created by human cannot compare to the nature that created by God.

After we heard the guy’s story, I think it is reasonable. Even though, I cannot survive in next 700 years but our descendant will face the disaster. My parents and I think in the same way. We do not care that guy is real or fake. We think he is the savior for humankind like a Jesus that came to save us last 2000 year ago.