9 min read
first draft
I am 29 years old in Korea in 2018. I live in the end of my twenty’s.. I was 29 years old when it was a little hard. So I guess it was a year of trying to figure out why it was so difficult. It was also the time I was worried about what to do next. When I think about it, in the 20s, I had good opportunities and good people. But I did not take advantage of that opportunity and did not treat the person whom I sent properly. When I was a college student, I gave me an opportunity to get into a band club, and as soon as I entered college, I got a chance to get acquainted with friends who are interested in music. When I was a 22-year-old soldier, it was hard at first, but when I was 25, I was able to meet a mentor of my life, to get confidence through him and to know about the world I do not know. I also had a nice body and a handsome face through my workout with my teacher. Through him I was able to confidently meet many people. At the age of 26, I met my sister, who cares for me. Because of him I became a force and I was able to learn various things. Now, December is the year 2019 begins. And my 30s life begins. Life expectancy in my 30s. I feel like starting a new decade again. I am thinking about how to start a new start these days. If so, what kind of attitude do you have to live from next year, what should you study and how should you try to get it to boil? First, I want to create a good environment for me. I want to put people who are similar to my values ​​in my side, share my energy, share energy, and change into a surroundings .I have to treat people who are friends with me properly and treat them with care. And I should try to find out what to learn from that person and find and fix my contradiction. And I must also try to have a positive impact on my opponent. But maintaining such a good relationship here seems to be a difficult task. You should not be too good at people and not too far away from people. I think I should put a reasonable distance. If so, will not we continue to treat our opponents computationally? I think. I still do not know. Anyway, in the future I think I should have a good idea, say good words to people and laugh more. So what is the opportunity now in this situation given to me and what should I learn from my relationship with me now? To learn how to work with colleagues working together and teach them not to feel bad. And the opportunity to learn Chinese when the opportunity. You should not see it when you see the behavior of your guests at work. Or think about that behavior I should learn. Take a look at the attitude of the president to the staff and make a note of what is wrong and how to improve it. Learn Thai culture while being friendly with Thai students in school.I want to be a time to challenge my dreams in my thirties. And I want to have fun with people. I want to meet various people and live a life of coexistence with them. I also appreciate the environment given to me. In order to do that, I will have to cultivate me well and improve my personality.
revise
 I live in the end of my twenty’s->  I live in the end of my  20’s
 When I was a 22-year-old soldier-> when i was soldier who are 22 years old
second draft
I am 29 years old in Korea in 2018. I live in the end of my  20’s.. I was 29 years old when it was a little hard. So I guess it was a year of trying to figure out why it was so difficult. It was also the time I was worried about what to do next. When I think about it, in the 20s, I had good opportunities and good people. But I did not take advantage of that opportunity and did not treat the person whom I sent properly. When I was a college student, I gave me an opportunity to get into a band club, and as soon as I entered college, I got a chance to get acquainted with friends who are interested in music.when i was soldier who are 22 years old, it was hard at first, but when I was 25, I was able to meet a mentor of my life, to get confidence through him and to know about the world I do not know. I also had a nice body and a handsome face through my workout with my teacher. Through him I was able to confidently meet many people. At the age of 26, I met my sister, who cares for me. Because of him I became a force and I was able to learn various things. Now, December is the year 2019 begins. And my 30s life begins. Life expectancy in my 30s. I feel like starting a new decade again. I am thinking about how to start a new start these days. If so, what kind of attitude do you have to live from next year, what should you study and how should you try to get it to boil? First, I want to create a good environment for me. I want to put people who are similar to my values ​​in my side, share my energy, share energy, and change into a surroundings .I have to treat people who are friends with me properly and treat them with care. And I should try to find out what to learn from that person and find and fix my contradiction. And I must also try to have a positive impact on my opponent. But maintaining such a good relationship here seems to be a difficult task. You should not be too good at people and not too far away from people. I think I should put a reasonable distance. If so, will not we continue to treat our opponents computationally? I think. I still do not know. Anyway, in the future I think I should have a good idea, say good words to people and laugh more. So what is the opportunity now in this situation given to me and what should I learn from my relationship with me now? To learn how to work with colleagues working together and teach them not to feel bad. And the opportunity to learn Chinese when the opportunity. You should not see it when you see the behavior of your guests at work. Or think about that behavior I should learn. Take a look at the attitude of the president to the staff and make a note of what is wrong and how to improve it. Learn Thai culture while being friendly with Thai students in school.I want to be a time to challenge my dreams in my thirties. And I want to have fun with people. I want to meet various people and live a life of coexistence with them. I also appreciate the environment given to me. In order to do that, I will have to cultivate me well and improve my personality.
final draft
I am 29 years old in Korea in 2018. I live in the end of my  20’s.. I was 29 years old when it was a little hard. So I guess it was a year of trying to figure out why it was so difficult. It was also the time I was worried about what to do next. When I think about it, in the 20s, I had good opportunities and good people. But I did not take advantage of that opportunity and did not treat the person whom I sent properly. When I was a college student, I gave me an opportunity to get into a band club, and as soon as I entered college, I got a chance to get acquainted with friends who are interested in music.when i was soldier who are 22 years old, it was hard at first, but when I was 25, I was able to meet a mentor of my life, to get confidence through him and to know about the world I do not know. I also had a nice body and a handsome face through my workout with my teacher. Through him I was able to confidently meet many people. At the age of 26, I met my sister, who cares for me. Because of him I became a force and I was able to learn various things. Now, December is the year 2019 begins. And my 30s life begins. Life expectancy in my 30s. I feel like starting a new decade again. I am thinking about how to start a new start these days. If so, what kind of attitude do you have to live from next year, what should you study and how should you try to get it to boil? First, I want to create a good environment for me. I want to put people who are similar to my values ​​in my side, share my energy, share energy, and change into a surroundings .I have to treat people who are friends with me properly and treat them with care. And I should try to find out what to learn from that person and find and fix my contradiction. And I must also try to have a positive impact on my opponent. But maintaining such a good relationship here seems to be a difficult task. You should not be too good at people and not too far away from people. I think I should put a reasonable distance. If so, will not we continue to treat our opponents computationally? I think. I still do not know. Anyway, in the future I think I should have a good idea, say good words to people and laugh more. So what is the opportunity now in this situation given to me and what should I learn from my relationship with me now? To learn how to work with colleagues working together and teach them not to feel bad. And the opportunity to learn Chinese when the opportunity. You should not see it when you see the behavior of your guests at work. Or think about that behavior I should learn. Take a look at the attitude of the president to the staff and make a note of what is wrong and how to improve it. Learn Thai culture while being friendly with Thai students in school.I want to be a time to challenge my dreams in my thirties. And I want to have fun with people. I want to meet various people and live a life of coexistence with them. I also appreciate the environment given to me. In order to do that, I will have to cultivate me well and improve my personality.
Final Exam Possible Score Kim, Sanghyeok
Formatting 10 0
Writing Process 20 20
Topic Choice 10 5
Grammar 10 5
Total 30