11 min read

Final essay

 

Final:

“What kind of news do you want to tell everyone?”

 

Generally, most people like to talk and spread the news to others. Some persons like to say only good news, while others like to tell bad news or both. Nowadays, it is easy to tell news since networking makes the world smaller and easier to keep in touch with each others. People can tell their news worldwide by social media such as facebook, instagram, etc. Also humans basically like to know friends and families’ news, so what kind of news which are told is very significant and should be careful. I, personally, would like to tell the good news and the true news, like Jesus always said “I am telling the truth.” The good news of mine which I can think of and want to tell everyone are having a baby, having the ways for a good health, and becoming or seeing a priest.

The good news of the coming of a new baby.

When I have a baby, I would like to tell everybody, especially my family and close friends. I am sure they will be happy for me and like to see how happy I am. As my baby will be my blood and my everything, I believe a coming baby, God creating, is the best gift in the world. After I tell everyone or spread this news, they will come to see my baby and tell me a lot of things about babies such as the better ways to take care of a baby, their babies’ behaviors, and a lot of new things I should know. As a baby is considered sinless and innocent, anything good is coming will be the good news. Like Jesus did, telling about the coming of the Kingdom of God was the good news (Mark 1:14-15).

a new baby is good news

The good news of having the ways for a good health.

When I know or experience something for a good health, I would like to share them to everyone in order to make them healthier. Because nowadays people are more concern about how to be healthy, they will pay attention to this news. For example, I found out that after I had been doing massage my hands on the specific area every day when I woke up, my migraine and my backache were relieved. Therefore, I want to tell everybody, particularly the love ones who I really care about, that this method is easy and can help a lot. Plus, when I myself learn some healthy habits, not only for body but also for mind, I will tell people to attempt. Telling people how to be healthy and strong is good news. It is like when Jesus commanded eleven disciples to tell and teach people about Jesus Christ because he knew it would make people who believed in Him healthier and stronger (Matthew 28:19-20).

healthy habits are good news

The good news of becoming or seeing a priest.

When I see the powerful priest is coming in town, I would like to tell people in case whoever likes to see him, to listen to his preaching, and to pray with him. So that they will be happy and feel better. Like Jesus story, when people knew Jesus was coming, they spread this good news and a lot of people came to him (Mark 1:37-39). Also if I feel I have had a bad life until I give up on everything and want to become a priest, I am certain that I will tell everybody about my decision. I believe this is a good news because people will be glad to hear that and pray for me and believe in my right decision. Like Jesus did, He said “the Kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel” (Mark 1:14-15).

‘God called me at 18’, Ireland’s youngest priest – became good news

What kind of news you want to tell people depends on you. I strongly believe the good news will make people happier, as Jesus’ good news.  Also it should be true, otherwise, a problem may occur and not easy to solve. As mentioned above, my good news are for making others happier and even stronger. I totally recommend people to spread those kinds of news or such good news to make the better world.

 

 

Friend review:

  1. Some sentences are redundant and unnecessary.
  2. The essay is well organized.
  3. Introduction part might be too long and conclusion part is shorter.
  4. Using too many simple words, you may look for more synonyms or formal words in writing.

by Pakpimkarn Booncharn

 

Rewrite:

“What kind of news do you want to tell everyone?”

 

Generally, most people like to talk and spread the news to others. Some persons like to say only good news, while others like to tell bad news or both. Nowadays, it is easy to tell news since networking makes the world smaller and easier to keep in touch with each others. People can tell their news worldwide by social media such as facebook, instagram, etc. Also humans basically like to know friends and families’ news, so what kind of news which are told is very significant and should be careful. I, personally, would like to tell the good news and the true news, like Jesus always said “I am telling the truth.” The good news of mine which I can think of and want to tell everyone are having a baby, having the ways for a good health, and becoming or seeing a priest.

The good news of the coming of a new baby.

When I have a baby, I would like to tell everybody, especially my family and close friends. I am sure they will be happy for me and like to see how happy I am. As my baby will be my blood and my everything, I believe a coming baby, God creating, is the best gift in the world. After I tell everyone or spread this news, they will come to see my baby and tell me a lot of things about babies such as the better ways to take care of a baby, their babies’ behaviors, and a lot of new things I should know. As a baby is considered sinless and innocent, anything good is coming will be the good news. Like Jesus did, telling about the coming of the Kingdom of God was the good news (Mark 1:14-15).

The good news of having the ways for a good health.

When I know or experience something for a good health, I would like to share them to everyone in order to make them healthier. Because nowadays people are more concern about how to be healthy, they will pay attention to this news. For example, I found out that after I had been doing massage my hands on the specific area every day when I woke up, my migraine and my backache were relieved. Therefore, I want to tell everybody, particularly the love ones who I really care about, that this method is easy and can help a lot. Plus, when I myself learn some healthy habits, not only for body but also for mind, I will tell people to try them out. Telling people how to be healthy and strong is good news. It is like when Jesus commanded eleven disciples to tell and teach people about Jesus Christ because he knew it would make people who believed in Him healthier and stronger (Matthew 28:19-20).

The good news of becoming or seeing a priest.

When I see the powerful priest is coming in town, I would like to tell people in case whoever likes to see him, to listen to his preaching, and to pray with him. So that they will be happy and feel better. Like Jesus story, when people knew Jesus was coming, they spread this good news and a lot of people came to him (Mark 1:37-39). Also if I feel I have had a bad life until I give up on everything and want to become a priest, I am certain that I will tell everybody about my decision. I believe this is a good news because people will be glad to hear that and pray for me and believe in my right decision. Like Jesus did, He said “the Kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel” (Mark 1:14-15).

 

What kind of news you want to tell people depends on you. I strongly believe the good news will make people happier, as Jesus’ good news.  Also it should be true, otherwise, a problem may occur and not easy to solve. As mentioned above, my good news are for making others happier and even stronger. I totally recommend people to spread those kinds of news or such good news to make the better world.

 

First draft:

“What kind of news do you want to tell everyone?”

 

Most people generally like to talk and spread the news to others. Some persons like to say only good news, while others like to tell bad news or both. Nowadays It is easy to tell the news since networking makes the world smaller and easier to keep in touch with each others. People can tell their news worldwide by social media such as facebook, instagram, etc. Also humans basically likes to know friends and families’ news, so what kind of news which are told is very important and should be careful. Personally, I would like to tell the good news and the true news, like Jesus always said “I am telling the truth.” The good news of mine which I can think of and want to tell everyone are having a baby, having the ways for a good health, and becoming or seeing a priest.

 

The good news of the coming of a new baby.

When I have a baby, I would like to tell everybody, especially my family and close friends. I am sure they will be happy for me and like to see how happy I am. As my baby will be my blood and my everything, I believe a coming baby is the best gift in the world. A baby is considered sinless and innocent. After I tell everyone or spread this news, they will come to see a baby and tell me a lot of things about babies such as the better ways to take care of a baby, their babies’ behaviors, and a lot of new things I should know. I am certain that this is a very good news.

 

The good news of having the ways for a good health.

When I know or experience something for a good health, I would like to share them to everyone in order to make them healthier. Because nowadays people are more concern about how to be healthy, they will be going to pay attention to this news. For example, I found out that after I had been doing massage my hands on the specific area every day when I woke up, my migraine headache and my backache were relieved. Therefore, I want to tell everybody, particularly the love ones who I really care about, that this method is easy and can help a lot. Making people healthy and strong is good news.

Like when Jesus did help the blind until he could see and got strong, some people who saw it told other persons about this.

 

The good news of becoming or seeing a priest.

When I see the powerful priest is coming in town, I would like to tell people in case whoever likes to see him, to listen to his preaching, and to pay respect to him. So that they will be happy and feel better. Also if I feel I have had a bad life, I will give up on everything and want to become a priest. I am certain that I will tell everybody. I believe this is a good news because people will be glad to hear that and pray for me, which I make a right decision.

Like Jesus, He told the good news of the coming of the Kingdom of God. And when people knew Jesus was coming, they spread this good news and a lot of people came to him.

 

What kind of news you want to tell people depends on you. I strongly believe the good news will make people happier, as Jesus’ good news.  Also it should be true. Otherwise, a problem may occur and not easy to solve. As mentioned above, my good news are for making others happier and even stronger. I totally recommend people to spread those kinds of news or good news to make the better world.

Final Exam Possible Score Chaowarkse, Warangkana
Formatting 10 5
Writing Process 20 20
Topic Choice 10 10
Grammar 10 5
Total 40